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BEFORE WE DIG IN:

As of this writing, The Dodgers are thoroughly in The World Series and last night's ball game decided the Yankees or Houston Astros. Despite the fact that I am not a Yankee fan, or the son of a Yankee fan, or the husband of a Yankee fan, I do admire what they have done as of late.

You are invited to THE SHARP CLUB MASTERMIND GROUP meeting on Saturday, Oct. 28th at Mohonk Mountain House. Details after The Dig.

Today I continue a new series called "Let's Face It" and it is about seeing things, facing things, and dealing with life more or less head on!

Having trouble reading this Dig? Read the fully formatted Dig on my website, www.FindWisdomNow.com. It will look much better, have proper spacing, and be easier to read.


LET'S FACE IT (8)

"Facing it, always facing it, that's the way to get through. Face it."

--Joseph Conrad

A while ago (far enough back that I can't remember all the details) someone really hurt my feelings.

I love it when people really hurt my feelings.

Well, sort of.

I don't love the hurt. Who would?

What I love is that I get to see and feel how powerful our emotions are, how dark the darkness can be, and what self control it takes to manage the self when the most powerful part of the self wants to declare war and press the nuclear button just after you have climbed into your bunker and decided to isolate forever from godforsaken humanity who cares not a whit for thee.

In the psychotherapy world this kind of inner experience is given all kinds of fancy names and none of them do justice to the unravelling of the self, the overwhelming internal chaos, the delicious yet nasty bitterness that can be lethal to all concerned, and the mind boggling combination of an IQ that is hovering around a rage filled 60 while being utterly certain that the freshly hatched revenge plot is accurate, fair and the most lucid path to a better day.

You might think that because I am a well trained and experienced psychotherapist that people can't hurt me or that hurtful words or actions roll off me like water off a duck's back.

I used to be that way when I was much younger and lived in a nameless state of dissociation, anxiety and depression. It was nameless because I was so used to this way of being that I thought it was normal. In other words, the waters of pain and hurt rolled off my hard, rational mind and (like most males) the distance between my head and my heart was the long distance I had to find and traverse.

My brother will write and tell me that I wasn't that bad off or certainly didn't seem that bad off and that everybody liked me because I was funny, smart, and kind. All I know is that Simon and Garfunkel used me as model to write "I am a rock, I am an island." (You're welcome!)

Anyway, my point is not to assess my mental history, but to point out a few things that one learns when the bacon grease drippings of shame and helplessness and despair and revenge are the waters churning in your heart and mind.

Most importantly, beyond crucial, is the fact that you must do nothing until your mind returns to sanity and your heart gets back to calm. You will never regret doing nothing as opposed to dishing out anger and vengeance and self harm and all the other things that would feel so delicious, so righteous, so deserved at the moment.

It will not kill you to do nothing.

It might kill you to dish out more bourbon, more pills, more invective, a punch, a body blow of a text or an email.

It might destroy someone else to ravage their heart when you are under the sway of blind rage, toxic hurt, or thoughtless and total bitterness. These things ravage your heart too.

In short, we all have to face the fact that we can be crazy when we are very hurt and our craziness can create lifelong damage. Lifelong damage is no joke and it lasts a long time.

And we have to face the fact that it is very hard to control ourselves and so we must work very hard ahead of time to resonate with the values that we always want to live by so that our values can save us and take us away from the extreme danger of the dangerous things.

What it means to be moral is to figure out ahead of time what works and what does not work in life. We need a game plan. We need practice. We need vows in our soul that say "I will never do this" and "If this happens I will do X, not Z." And we need lots of coaches and coaching, forever, because the game changes and does not get any easier.

In that respect, I am fortunate because my holy work allows me lots of opportunity to see the value of self-control, thinking, kindness, self-respect, concern for the other, appreciation of differences, appropriate anger, forgiveness, the necessity of justice and a keen awareness that bad consequences are no joke.

By the way, what I most remember about the time that I am referring to above is that I was so hurt that I could not fall asleep. My wife was already in that blissful state and there was enough Simon and Garfunkel in me that I did not want to wake her and ask for help. I could smell the delicious approach of blame and rage and the adrenalin fed concoction of schemes to get even so I could exert my infallible power and infinite wisdom! I came up with a plan that was going to take around three hours of work to start the wheels of justice turning. This would have been around 1:30 a.m. to 4:30 a.m.

Mercifully, mercifully, mercifully, by the merest shred of sanity I could see that my infinite wisdom involved a fair bit of "cutting off my own nose to spite my face" and a whole bunch of passive aggressiveness and a heaping pile of masochism. And, even more mercifully, I remembered that I was a psychotherapist and that I had to work the next day and I thought of all the precious souls who come to me for wisdom and balance and happiness and energy and love and all the other heavenly things that work and do wonders, and I thought of my family and friends and how much they think I am a fairly wise and kind and thoughtful and patient man and so I put away the nuclear football and headed upstairs for a good night's sleep resting in the cradle of the beauty of having done nothing and in the cradle of the amazing grace that we all do so desperately need.


THE SHARP CLUB

I will be hosting my Mastermind Group which is called THE SHARP CLUB on Saturday, October 28th from 9:00 a.m. to no later than 7:00 p.m. at Mohonk Mountain House, New Paltz, New York.

The Club and the day is right for you if you

---enjoy being in a first class world renowned setting that will increase your feeling of well being

and self-respect just by being on the grounds

---want to "sharpen your saw" and improve your life by joining other like minded souls in a safe room where there is deep reflection, tons of insights, lots of support combined with some challenge

---want to be less lonely and make new, possibly life-long, friends

---have the taste buds for a delicious buffet that alone is worth your travel.

The investment in the day is $500.00. If you can't afford that all at once, I offer you a payment plan of $125.00 up front, and $100.00 per month for 4 months.

Write or call me today if you want to attend or have any questions.

BBever1008@aol.com

845-417-5486.

Hope to see you there.

Respectfully,

Bob

P.S. Since you read The Dig, I am assuming that you know me and only need the short invitation above. However, in case you missed a longer promotion and need more introduction to me, here

is more reading:

"THE SHARP CLUB" MASTERMIND GROUP

a place to be shrewd, kind, thoughtful, action-oriented, precise, organized, present, growing and wise......a place to learn to stand up for yourself (in all kinds of ways)....

PART ONE: IS THIS FOR YOU?

Are you old enough to have figured out that life does not get any easier the older you get? Do you realize, with some trepidation, that you are not living as sharp as you could? Do you know, with some fear, that some of your dreams are not being pursued? And they still could be? Are you tired of not being appropriately sharp with people when they need to be told that they are taking you for granting or hurting your feelings? Or are you too sharp and rude?

If you answered "Yes" to most of those questions, The Sharp Club Mastermind Group is for you.

You know that I think deeply about human complexity and do not offer glib, surface advice that is offensive to most of humanity. You know that I know how broken we all are, in one way or another. You know that I think we all need a lot of help.

You may not know that I am 63 and 9/12th years old. That is the age, for sure, when you feel like passing on a lot of what you know and wish to be a mentor and a guide. I have had an increasing hunger to improve my game, to sharpen my saw, and to share tons of insights that I have learned from my various careers, my reading, my mistakes, my successes, and my education in philosophy, English lit, religion, marketing, and psychotherapy.

And now I want to share these insights with you.

This will cost you some time, some money, some thought, perhaps some pain, and, hopefully, the reward will be worth it. The reward will largely depend on you and your dedication to the cause: you.

If you are looking for a quick fix, this Club is not for you.

The Sharp Club Mastermind Group can only host a limited number of people.

Write to me this week, with any questions about this venture. Let me know if this is for you and you like the sounds of it. Let me know if you want to attend.

I look forward to beginning a new year (another September has come around, the start of things for most of us) that celebrates and sharpens our wits and our appreciation of life.

Love. Peace. Respect. Gratitude.

To your sharpness.

Bob

PART TWO: HOW THE SHARP CLUB RELATES TO MY HISTORY AND, QUITE POSSIBLY, YOUR HISTORY

When I was a young teenager I unconsciously developed the habit of "playing the fool" without even knowing that this was happening. I would be the class clown, the cut-up, and I would poke fun at myself, often at my own expense. I now know that this is a defense mechanism against getting hurt as in "If I don't take myself seriously, it won't feel so bad if I fail to reach my goals and dreams." It's the "I won't really try" syndrome and "I'll put myself down, before you get a chance to put me down." This unwittingly gave people a chance to not take me so seriously and to even punish me with a bit of sarcasm or quick judgment or a look of disapproval. (You know the look, right?) It gave me a chance to not take myself seriously. It was quite the broken record. (Of course, I still hide more flagrant sins. If I rob a bank, I don't phone the police and tell them. I guess that would be really "playing the fool." I fervently hope that on Judgment Day it is private screening only, just Jesus and me, going over a few peccadilloes....a short movie!)

I am glad to say that because of therapy I started to notice this record and I played it (or it played me) less and less as the years rolled by.

Pain is the great teacher.

How does this apply to you? Do you play the fool? Do you need to grow in self-respect?

Do you need to demand more respect from others? If so, you will need a few other tools.

You will need people who believe in you.

You need people who will hold you to a higher standard and who will help spot your folly.

It takes real effort of soul to know who you are, to have the guts to go for the gold, to get rid of the mediocre, and to choose a better existence.

It takes clarity and courage and practice. If you have the clarity to see the absolute necessity and beauty of your dream life, you will automatically get rid of more trash in your life. (If you are lucky, life is a long journey of sorting things out and taking out the trash.) You will grow to dislike your mediocre ways, your small and petty thinking, your foolish talk and meanderings and moments.

If you believe in your greatness, you will suffer fools less gladly.

If you believe in your greatness, you will play the fool less and less.

If you believe in quality, you will grow more discerning.

Playing the fool will quietly diminish your life. Bad art drives out good art. The energy you spend on slop or being sloppy will kill the energy you need for quality. As with everything, it's life or death in the real world. Time for you to be ruthless.

Of course I'm not talking about being mean or unkind. I'm actually talking about love-deep, wise love that reveres quality people and quality life and quality talent. Love see that Mozart should be allowed to play the piano and write his music and so we must fight and hate and ruthlessly eliminate that which keeps Mozart from his genius. Love and ruthlessness can go hand in hand. The reason many of us are not ruthless enough is that we have not been loved into a quality existence-into that solid, brave and self-loving existence where we have no tolerance for that which diminishes the quality of the one life we have.

Mechanical engineers speak of "accumulation of tolerance" and the accumulation can lead to rockets exploding, planes crashing, and death. I wish that I had stopped playing the fool sooner.

It's too much accumulation of tolerance.

I hope that you will learn from my mistakes, my honesty, and my broken record.

I hope that you flirt ruthlessly with accumulated excellence.

Love,

Dr. Bob

PART THREE: LET'S TALK MONEY, VALUE, AND A COUPLE OF BONUSES

I might be the only person on the Internet who is not going to promise that my work with you will make you money. In fact, all I can promise you is that it will cost you some money. However, it will cost you way less money to join us than it cost me to shape my life or to create this Club. Please allow me to explain.

Part two explained one of the ways that my life has been messed up for a long time. It did not tell you that I have literally spend hundreds of thousands of dollars learning what I know to become a sharper person, a successful therapist, a respected writer, a valued speaker, and to "play the fool" less and less in my life. Nor did it tell you that I spend still hundreds of dollars every month in an ongoing effort to sharpen my game, keep my well fresh, and continue to improve my life. I do this because it is part of my nature (in Meyers-Briggs lingo I am an ENFJ, the kind of person who always wants to find and add meaning to life) and I do it because my psychotherapy work demands a sharp saw, creative interventions, and lots of energy to fight the misery and darkness that comes my way. Consequently, my house is filled with books and magazines and marketing CDs-and my computer is filled with thousands of emails that are all about living a sharper life. Not only that. I also belong to a lot of Clubs where I pay big money to learn from the world's smartest therapists, marketers, and gurus of varied stripes.

If you attend The Sharp Club, I will pass on to you "the best of the best" that I have learned and will learn from all these sources. Ever since I was a philosophy student in college, my professors told me that I had a unique talent for reading difficult and long books and picking out the best quotation or paragraph or insight from that book. One of my therapy clients thinks that I am an emotional genius at pulling from all kinds of places and assimilating diverse material and handing it out to people to help them be saner. (That was a poorly written sentence, but you get the drift!)

In short, the big bonus that you will receive by joining The Sharp Club is that you are not just going to be learning from me. You will be learning from a whole chorus of experts as well as the other sharp people who have already joined the club.

Now let me ask you a question. If I were to offer you The Club for free, you would join, wouldn't you? So, you know you already want in-it's just a matter of price. You would love to come to one of the best resorts in the world to hang around other people who want to sharpen their game. And you want me to pay all that I pay to find great teachings from other people that I will interpret and reframe for our sharp purposes and pass on to you for pennies on the dollar. (By the way, I am not going to plagiarize their material-these guys have expensive lawyers and they could take away my books, which my kids would love because my books pile up beside my bed and might crash on me and kill me in my sleep. And my kids want my books gone and me alive!)

So, listen: you are sharp, you want in. Write and let me know that you want in. I will get back to you personally and discuss money-because frankly I want to make it affordable for you to join The Club and that has to be discussed on a personal basis, and, even more frankly, I actually have to take a shower and head to church and then Citi Field where it's The Mets vs. The Nationals in major league baseball.

To your sharpness.

Bob

P.P.S. I have been doing Masterminds for about ten years. Every attendee has found the day worth way more than the cost of time and money. I have been sending free emails (The Dig) for over 500 weeks in a row and every week someone writes me and tells me that what I write is so accurate, so real, and so deep and touching that they wonder if I spy on their inner world.

Write or call me today if you want to attend or have any questions.

BBever1008@aol.com

845-417-5486.

Hope to see you there.

I will let the final word be from a man who has influenced me greatly, King Solomon, arguably the wisest man of ancient civilization:

"For wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her."


Next week we find a treasure from the past.

Chat then;

Bob Beverley

P.S. Sharing wisdom is absolutely necessary in this oft foolish world. I'd be honored if you pass THE DIG along to your friends.


Copyright 2017 FindWisdomNow.com.

Bob Beverley is a psychotherapist in the mid-Hudson Valley of New York State, USA. He has written Peace Etc. A Journey Through Open Heart Surgery and Other Scary Things, Written to Lessen Your Anxiety, Whatever It May Be; Emotional Elegance (with an Introduction by David Allen; Dear Tiger: A Book for Tiger Woods and For Us All; How to Be a Christian and Still Be Sane and The Secret Behind the Secret Law of Attraction (with Kevin Hogan, Dave Lakhani and Blair Warren). All books are available on Amazon, except "Emotional Elegance" which is available at www.emotionalelegance.com

Bob is available for motivational speaking, consultation, and psychotherapy. Bob is the leader of a unique, life-changing experience called THE SHARP CLUB.

His website is FindWisdomNow.com where you can discover advice that has, as Bob says, "been road-tested in the emotional emergency ward I have always worked in. What I have to say is not a stage show. My audience comes back next week." Bob can be reached at Bob@FindWisdomNow.com