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BEFORE WE DIG IN:

It was a goal! It was a goal! Oh well, Pittsburgh was the (slightly) better team and now I can catch up on my sleep. Well done, Nashville "Cinderella" Predators. Almost!

How hard is golf? Eight of the world's top players did not make the cut this weekend at the U.S. Open in Erin Hills. Final round today.

SHARP CLUB 25 coming soon.

Two Digs below for your Happy Father's Day! The first was written this week, the second is a treasure from the past.

Having trouble reading this Dig? Read the fully formatted Dig on my website, www.FindWisdomNow.com. It will look much better, have proper spacing, and be easier to read.


"YOU'RE GONNA CRY WHEN YOU SEE YOUR SON'S LEG"

in honor of Aaron Beverley, my son and Dr. Peter Deluca, brother in arms

Tears filled my eyes. The lump in my throat started to grow. I had just handed my little boy over to a nurse and she held his hand as they headed for the operating room at Yale University Hospital– a room reserved for Dr. Peter Deluca, their preeminent children's orthopedic surgeon.

A month before this I had talked to Dr. Deluca on the phone and explained that my son, Aaron, had inherited a bone disease from me and had already broken his legs dozens of times. Consequently, the bones in his lower right leg were bowed and fractures were now happening because of simple geometry. The curve in his leg needed to be fixed. Our local orthopedics had told us that he needed special surgery that was beyond their expertise. They had heard good things about Dr. Deluca but had never referred a patient to him. I asked Dr. Deluca if he was a father and he told me "Yes" and so I said "You know what it's like then for me. My son has had it really tough and I want the best for him, so I hope you are not offended when I ask "Are you as good as the New York City doctors?'" With no arrogance in his voice, Dr. Deluca said "I'm better."

This did not prevent me from further enquiries about his competence. It's amazing the courage you get when your child's well being is at stake. I vetted Dr. Deluca as if I worked for the F.B.I.

Nevertheless, worry settled in for a few hours stay as my son headed for the O.R. I can't remember how I distracted myself but eventually the chief resident came and spoke to me and said, "We all were in awe. There was a hush in the room. I've never seen anything like it. Dr. Deluca took the bones out of your son's leg and had them on a separate table. It freaked us out. We're all monitoring your son on one side of the room and he's across the room looking like a carpenter as he's measuring and sawing bone and putting a rod in the tibia that will expand as your son grows. Eventually, there wasn't a dry eye in the operating room. You are going to cry when you see your son's leg. It's totally straight. The bow is gone,"

Two weeks later we had a follow up appointment at Dr. Deluca's office in Connecticut. I asked to speak to him privately and I explained that, though I always paid my bills, I would have to pay over time because the medical bills had just stacked up impossibly over the years. Dr. Deluca said "I've already spoken to our financial department and we will just ask you to pay 10% of what the insurance does not cover. Is that acceptable for you?" I cried again, and I am crying now as I type these words.

Although we turned a corner, Aaron did not have total smooth sailing in the years ahead. More bones broke and he has pain every day. However, he always beats me in golf, hardly ever complains about trivia, and has one of the nicest smiles in the world. He has a very keen mind and is doing well in the financial services industry. He knows that he did not get to where he is by himself.

"More people than we know have an investment in those we love."

Aaron used to ride the wheelchair bus to school. He was never once teased at his own elementary school, middle school, or high school. His tough friends knew he was tougher than them all and stood by his side through many a sad day. His mother has been in almost every E.R. in the area, often without me because I was going to psychotherapy school, and often with his two sisters who never once complained about anything that had to do with getting their brother through his misfortune. As a family, we never would have thrived amidst all this were it not for the warmth and affection from the churches where I served as Pastor, the love of our friends, the comfort of necessary things like chocolate and wine, and saints like Dr. Deluca who show up in the most unexpected ways.


INNER BEAUTY

What is inner beauty? It is the ability to love. It is the willingness to stand up for yourself and the willingness to forgive. It is the ability to persevere and endure, to be loyal to something bigger than you, to be loyal to the best in you. It is the attempt to be gracious, kind and thoughtful. It is the force within us that transcends shallowness and superficiality. It is not sending the angry letter, or sending it after much thought. Perhaps, most of all, inner beauty is gratitude for your blessings, a gratitude that keeps you far from triviality, constant complaining, and the selfishness of non-stop greed.

If you want more inner beauty, here are some thoughts and actions:

1. Pull up a chair. Sit with yourself for a while, think about your past, and all that has shaped you. Recall the low moments, the victories, the heroes in your journey, the things that have made you cry, the things that enrage you, what you have stood for, and what has given you ecstasy. Give this enough time and I have no doubt you will see a thread of purpose that has woven and grown itself into the major motif of your unique journey.

Give this enough time, give yourself time...

2. Remember when you lost your way and what you learned. You do not know how it happened. You began to retrace your steps, to regret some of your decisions, and make amends for the harm you did to yourself and others. It dawned on you that life is some kind of moral battle and that there are deadly forces, within and without, that blind us, freeze us, delude us, and kill us before our time. A part of you thought you were being melodramatic, but you rightly saw that this was your typical defense against taking yourself and life seriously. You saw that there is no greater clarity, no greater purpose, than seeing the immense value of life and to fight all that diminishes life and our awareness of its preciousness.

You began to search for light in the darkness, for a way out, a way back. You were very clear. What did you learn? Pain is the great teacher. What did pain teach you? Your purpose is wrapped within your pain.

3. Admit it. Purpose has called you. You've had times in your life when you were on a mission. You caught fire. You fell in love. You loved a friend through a tragedy. You discovered your talent. You took a risk and began to exhibit your photos. You went back to school, off to war, or took up yoga. For all of us, the fire burns less brightly eventually, the campaign stops, things shift-and we have to keep remaking and refinding our purpose, but do not forget that life has called you. You've made a difference. You have been called, you've had your holy work too. Everyone has a holy purpose, except some do not know it.

4. Someone has believed in you. Yes, many have ignored you, even perhaps a parent crushed you, and the big machine (the banks, the leaders, the governments) doesn't give a damn about you or me, not really. This can roll us all up into endless balls of self-pity and resentment. It's far better to dwell on those who have believed in you. They saw your gift, your purpose, and perhaps a big part of your very purpose is to be that person's friend forever. One of the greatest purposes we all have is to believe those who have believed in us. To live well, to do your best, because someone believed in you. To return the favor.

5. The thousand little things will block your purpose almost as much as the big, bad things. I believe that all of us might be lost right now in a forest that we do not see. The forest of advertising, television, Internet and massive consumer mentality. This is a forest where the darkness is disguised as light and everything bad is cool, hip and praised. This is a forest where you are so busy that you do not have time to think and the machine just keeps asking you to do more and few really have your back. There are a thousand distractions all screaming out their worth and yet most everything seems hollow, insignificant and ephemeral. There is a lot of chatter, but few are really connecting. If you are lonely you may not recognize it as such, because there is so much going on. Maybe you haven't really listened.

Is anyone more lost than those who do not know they are lost? How lost is that?

Perhaps you should stop, look around, get your bearings, and find out what really matters to you.

Perhaps you need a clearing, the open road, the simple path. Perhaps you need less, not more.

Perhaps you need way less.

You cannot find your purpose when you are moving so fast and are consumed with a thousand little things.

6. You've been to the mountain top. I know you are not Moses, but still you have had your burning bush moment. They come in all shapes and sizes. Perhaps you sat in a movie theater watching Ghandi or Chariots of Fire or Shawshank Redemption and your soul was moved by something so true, so deep, that even you thought that you were touched by divine fire. Perhaps a man made love to you and for the first time you felt your beauty, for the first time you felt the ecstasy of love, of life. Perhaps a teacher told you that you were brilliant. Perhaps you found a way to help a sick child. Everything small faded into insignificance. You smirked at all the trifles that had captured your attention and laughed at all the worries that had consumed you. You saw how much time you had wasted on what felt like nothing. You vowed to live better.

The view from the mountain top fades for all of us, even those who had a near death experience. Nevertheless, you've been to the mountain top. Tell us what you saw. Tell yourself what you saw.

My father and mother had a baby boy ten years before I was born. He died at age one of spinal meningitis when my father was overseas during the second World War. After that, my mother was told she would not be able to have another child. She prayed to God and vowed that if the Lord gave her a child, she would pray that he would become a minister. My mother did conceive and, strange to tell, did not know until delivery day that she was having twins. My brother entered the world first and has cheered me on ever since, after a nurse reached in for the placenta and found unexpected me, not nearly ready to face this confusing world, but hauled into it anyway.

My brother and I were never told about my mother's prayer. We were not forced to go to church. In fact, my mother became so worried, so insular, so troubled, so addicted to things that did not cure her, that she hardly ever set foot in the places where she had heard about God. I believe and hope that heaven has steadied her, strengthened her, and healed her in ways that this world did not and perhaps could not. She would be proud to know now that my brother is one of the most distinguished theologians in Canada and is recognized as one of the brilliant cult experts in the world. And I think she would be proud of me, because I have seen her fear and pain in every person I meet, and I have endeavored to be like Jesus, to not bruise a tender reed or blow out a flickering candle.

At times I have forgotten this part of my history. But I have been to the mountaintop, and so have you. And so have you.


Next week we find a treasure from the past.

Chat then;

Bob Beverley

P.S. Sharing wisdom is absolutely necessary in this oft foolish world. I'd be honored if you pass THE DIG along to your friends.


Copyright 2017 FindWisdomNow.com.

Bob Beverley is a psychotherapist in the mid-Hudson Valley of New York State, USA. He has written Peace Etc. A Journey Through Open Heart Surgery and Other Scary Things, Written to Lessen Your Anxiety, Whatever It May Be; Emotional Elegance (with an Introduction by David Allen; Dear Tiger: A Book for Tiger Woods and For Us All; How to Be a Christian and Still Be Sane and The Secret Behind the Secret Law of Attraction (with Kevin Hogan, Dave Lakhani and Blair Warren). All books are available on Amazon, except "Emotional Elegance" which is available at www.emotionalelegance.com

Bob is available for motivational speaking, consultation, and psychotherapy. Bob is the leader of a unique, life-changing experience called THE SHARP CLUB.

His website is FindWisdomNow.com where you can discover advice that has, as Bob says, "been road-tested in the emotional emergency ward I have always worked in. What I have to say is not a stage show. My audience comes back next week." Bob can be reached at Bob@FindWisdomNow.com